Chewies not in cinema

Summer's over, it's getting chilly, and I've gotten some jobs. As a result, the dogs have been seeing less of me and more of their kennels. I typically can trust Sir to just sleep in a blanket all day. Leo, on the other hand, gets anxious and still pees inside when we're away for more than an hour or two. Plus, he'll wake up Sir and won't leave him alone. And like any mammal, then de-stress by peeing on their parents' things.

Leo also blows off steam by chewing on things. Chewing actually isn't the proper term, it's more like inhaling. He will take reasonably large rawhide and finish it in under a day. So I went to Lizzi & Rocco's (http://www.lizziandroccos.com/) Natural Pet Market and got a bunch of things for him to chew on and hope to get something that would last. He ate the first two in about four days, but the other one is a veritable antler. He's barely made a dent in that or my wallet since. Even Sir has taken a liking to the salmon skin one! Chewing something so big is quite the task for Sir, it's cute to watch:

He needs a vicegrip or something.
 

One result of my getting a job that is probably good for the doggies is that they now have a routine. A routine that Sir has had for a while is waiting outside for Teresa to get home in the afternoon. It's adorable to watch. He'll stand there for 20 minutes or so before he gets tired.

*insert cheesy music*

And Leo has recently come to grips with the fact that Teresa and I spend a lot of time on the computer. The way he copes with the fact that there do in fact exist people who don't want to play with him is typically by cuddling with them or chewing on things. Well, we just talked about chewing, so without further adieu, here's Leo's favorite cuddlespot in several flavors:

 

Seriously serious animals. For Serious.

Fear the deep sniff.

Welcome to Smirksville, MO.

Before we got the chewies for Leo he had to chew on the stuffed animals we've amassed over the year. Then instinct kicks in and he guts the damn thing. Really. He rips out the inside of stuffed animals routinely. I don't think it's creepy at all, it's just canine instinct. Right? He's definitely not going to kill me in my sleep, right? RIGHT? Well, here's some photographical evidence but I doubt it would be sufficient for a conviction:

YOU'RE NEXT.

He doesn't like being confronted about it, so he typically flies away. Liftoff.

Up up and arrff.

Don't worry, though, the troubles are few and far between, then just happen to stick out in my mind when I think about the dogs. Much of their awake time is playing and being happy little furballs. They're pretty well behaved for the most part. Probably because they know that I am a huge mountain of muscle (compared to them) and I can slaughter BOTH of them..... in tug of war:

Not even the demon eyes can stop me!

BONUS VIDEO - Leo shake shake shaking. Soundtrack - Some Song by Some Artist (on My Computer). 

Traildogs

As those of you who know me already know, I have been unemployed for a few months and have been leisurely enjoying my extended summer. One of the places I've spend a good deal of my outdoorsy time is the MKT and Katy Trails. The MKT connects Columbia to the Katy Trail like so:

The MKT has two separate parallel lanes 300 yards apart but not really.

I want to say that the name 'Katy' is adapted from KT, which stood for Kansas-Texas being the intended start/stop points of the trail. However, I am not a historian in anything besides rap and video games, so I very well could be completely wrong. Anyways, here's a shot of the trail taken while riding on my bike:

 

Pretty pretty.

I found out something terrifying shortly after getting on my bike. I was not alone! You should be able to predict who was with me by now. The blog is about dogs, not people. So how did I transport the two little ones? I was gifted a bike trailer by a friend who was moving and couldn't take it with him. It works extremely well, here's an action shot:

 

 Spotted ear spotted.

It was merely a trial run, so I only went to Finger Lakes which is probably under five miles on the MKT. The ride may have been a tad bumpy, but the dogs loved it! Just look at this face. The joy is derping out of him.

 

Derppity.

And so we arrived. It was a nice and slow ride on a beautiful day,  a worthwhile excursion for sure. Sir agrees.

 How can I herp you today?

I tried to set up a blanket and some water for them, but they were beyond disinterested. The dogs really just walked around the bench in a 50 yard radius trying to pee on and smell every damn thing. 

 Smiling because Pete did all that for nothing.

And of course I brought my own items of leisure to pass the time while the dogs satisfied their primal instincts. Beer, books, bench, beautiful day. The four B's. I don't think I'll ever use that particular idiom again.

Never carry glass on the trail!

There was a couple across the way with what looked like an Australian shepard running his face off. One of the nice things about small dogs is that you don't need a big area for them to be thoroughly satisfied roaming. Here's a shot of my view/seat:

 

Lovely.

Well that's about it. I think Teresa and I will take the dogs on a camping trip sometime in the future. Probably not soon since it's going to be getting colder faster sooner (isn't that a Daft Punk song?). Maybe next summer. Sorry guys, you'll have to wait in anticipation like this guy: 

This is what staring at god would look like.

because the trip is not as close as this guy:

 My tongue is a magic carpet that will take you to worlds of slobbery bliss.

Until next time!

All about Sir

Sir had a rough time for the last two weeks. He pooped some blood, then some more blood, then had some diarrhea (a difficult to spell version of mudbutt), got tired, and slept a bunch. So we took him to the vet and they weren't sure, but we got a cocktail of medicines for him. One of em looked and smelled like peanut butter but said "Chicken Flavor" on it. Why does it matter that it's "chicken" flavor? If I were (still) an advisor for a major pet pharmaceutical company, I'd say cut the bullshit and just write "flavored" because who cares, your dog will probably eat it if Sir does. Sir is as picky as they get. And he's gotten better! Besides the gross tasting liquid that I squirted under his tongue, he took it all quite well. That liquid was called metacam, helps with dog pain, and stops readers from thinking about how awful what I just said sounds.

Well. That's that. He's also been weight lifting recently..... in his SLEEP!

He was slowly and rhythmatically pushing the comforter up with his front paws. Sir weighs about four pounds which is around 1.81436948 kg, give or take 0.00000594. So if he's lifting 8 oz. of deadweight, then he's lifting 1/8 of his bodyweight, which would be like me lifting a whole 20 pounds! Okay, so it's not that impressive. He's a small dog, not an ant. And he's way more fun to cuddle with than ants, too.

I mean, just look at this little guy. How can you stare into those questionably proportioned eyes and not melt?

There is a treat on top of the camera.

It's also been getting chilly here at night and sometimes during the day, so Sir has accordingly decided to grow to triple human size and wear one of my favorite sweatervests.

"'I'm going to pee on EVERYTHING!!!"

He's started eating more since then, too. Okay, enough bad jokes and pictures of dogs. Actually, here's one more bad joke in the form of a picture of a dog. A dog named Sir.

 

 "The drug's dangerous," she said, "but it gives insight."

Moving pictures!

First up we have a video of Sir and Leo casually playing on the couch. I'm never really sure what exactly they accomplish by opening their mouths as wide as possible and shaking them at each other, but if you pay close attention you'll see Sir lock his teeth onto fur a few times. This is low-level play for them, there's no tug-of-warring, no backflips, no chasing, and no humping each other (that's not exactly play, is it?). I apologize for the few seconds in the video where you see that other bigger, pale, and mangey looking dog. No idea who's that is.




Our second moving picture features Leo the Prime Interruptor interrupting the normal daily activities of a rather nasty looking bug. I don't like bugs. So even though you don't witness the death of the beast, you can safely assume that I commanded my minion to exact swift and painful retribution against it. Filthy infidel.



Lately, Sir has been a bit more angry at me. It's probably because I haven't turned the AC on in 4 or 5 days and he's been unable to get any sleep. That's because when Sir tries to burrow, he realizes that it's too hot out and has to lie on top of the blanket like so:

A+ fan usage

This leaves him vulnerable to the never-ending onslaught of cute playfulness that is Leo. Unfortunate, really. Life is hard for Sir, not being able to sleep more than 14 hours a day and only getting 5 or 6 treats a day. Stressful. Hopefully he'll chill out and I'll have to resort to my whip less. And no, it's not an actual whip. What I call my dogwhip is in fact just a spray bottle full of water.

Don't ask why I wear the glove.

It's extremely effective. Which totally makes sense for Sir, because he hates water. Unless he's drinking it. Going out in the rain for a few minutes to pee is comparable to between 5 and 8 Herculean labors for Sir.

Armed only with a Dr. Pepper, he slew the beast.

Sir also hates baths. Leo, on the other hand, loves water. He goes swimming whenever we go to the lake/river and handles baths pretty well. We gave the boys a bath last week and I snagged a few good photos of Leo between all the thrashing and splashing that went on.

You can definitely see the poodleface in full form. Here's another angle:

He's an imposing furball, but when he's wet it's painfully obvious that he weighs under 6 pounds. Now, one last picture. I preface this next one by saying that it didn't turn out at all how I wanted. Leo turned away right when the picture was being taken, resulting in him looking like some creepy living mop.

It's very avant garde, ne c'est pas? Until next time!

PANT PANT PANT

Took the dogs to the dogpark yesterday and I realized something. Any younger guy who shows up alone with two cute dogs to a park that has lots of (single) mothers watching their kids there will probably be regarded as a creep. Because the dogs will inevitably attract the attention of the children and thus the children will attract the attention of the dogs. Then they'll want to hang out and the mom will need to watch the kid while the guy needs to watch the dog. So they'll have to chit-chat. So, yeah. Uh. Right. Not my motives. I have a girlfriend. Seriously. Well, now that that's out of the way, here are some goofy pictures of the dogs.

Leo loves car rides. He does the stereotypical lean-out-the-window-just-far-enough-to-not-fall-out that many dogs do. And he tends to put his front paws on my arm which I tend to keep on the windowsill on the off chance that he sees something that he must pee on, play with, eat, or sniff. Those are pretty much his modes of interaction.

And I'm not sure how he feels about the bandana. He loves when I put it on, but he always takes it off. Goddamn dogs and their mixed signals. They should just evolve like the rest of us did.

If you had ANY doubt about whether or not he was happy, check out this picture. If you're still uncertain, I'd like to point out that you should be focusing on the dog face part of the picture. In the top left. Yes, the tonguey part.

Sir, on the other hand, tends to just sleep through car rides. He either does the downward dog pose, like so:

or scratches on your shirt until you let him burrow into it. That's right, chihuahuas are burrowing animals. If you've ever been around a chihuahua for more than a few hours, you'd probably see him or her sleep (they sleep 14-18 hours a day, what a life!) and a chihuahua's favorite place to sleep is under a blanket. Here's a good picture of Sir doing just that:

He almost looks like some sort of crustacean deep sea monster... the upside-down mouth does it for me. So enough about the car ride. We got to the park, went on a walk. It wasn't unbearably hot for me, but it sure was intense for the dogs. More panting than I've ever seen.

So we took plenty of water breaks. Sir is a sloppy drinker. Or maybe all of the backsplash that Leo makes just gets caught in his stache. Can dogs have mustaches or is the definition somehow stricter?

.... wikipediaing ...

Nope. A mustache is hair, while Leo has fur. Dang.

Next up is this priceless picture series of Sir making faces while in my arms. Half-yawning, half-panting, while wearing the biggest shit-eating grin. Enjoy!

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....

 okay, getting sort of goofy.

DERP DERP DERP!!

HUR DURRR DURP DERP!

yawn okay mister we're done here.

An Introduction

HELLO.

My name is Pete. I live with two small dogs, Sir Vicious the chihuahua and Leo the maltipoo. They are quirky yet strangely humanlike animals. This blog will catalog their (mis)adventures, altercations, accidents, and above all, their admiration for each other. So without further ado, here are the doggies:

SIR VICIOUS, MASTER MARKER

LEO, INTERRUPTOR PRIME

The nicknames are relevant. Sir doesn't have a bladder, he has a blackhole that creates a direct portal to a universe of piss. He can and does mark at will. If left outside for extended periods of time, he will continue to mark for upwards of three days. Straight. All work, no play. And by work, I mean peeing on things. Everything. Leo cannot stand by while attention is given to anyone besides him. If sweet nothings are being said in a direction other than at Leo, he will put himself in the line of fire (or praise). If you're petting Sir, Leo will shove his head between your hand and Sir. He must have all of the affection in the world. He is a ruthless attention seeker. Or maybe he's just a puppy.